"Celebrating Advent means being able to wait. ...whoever does not know the austere blessedness of waiting - that is, of hopefully doing without - will never experience the full blessings of fulfillment." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Abnormal...the words hit me like a ton of bricks...how could something that was designed (and used) to provide nurture be abnormal?
ab·nor·mal
abˈnôrməl/
adjective
- deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying.
For a month I tried my best not to worry, between various mammograms, ultra sounds (of course they couldn't do a biopsy the 'normal way'), and finally the big day - the stereotypic imaging truck came to town (you really don't want to know).
A biopsy is not something to blow off. It is a big deal. A big hairy deal. Especially when your mind has time to think of the 'what ifs.'
Fortunately, for me, the results were another interesting word: benign.
be·nign
bəˈnīn/
adjective
- 2.MEDICINE(of a disease) not harmful in effect: in particular, (of a tumor) not malignant.
synonyms: harmless, nonmalignant, noncan cerous; benignant"a benign tumor"
'What a relief' my son texted when I finally, after a days delay, had the results. 'THANK Heavens' and 'YAY' and 'that is spectacular news' from my other children.
spec·tac·u·lar
spekˈtakyələr/
adjective
- 1.beautiful in a dramatic and eye-catching way.
Not all women are as fortunate.
And yes, I kept it silent. And I probably could have shared with others...but ABNORMAL sounds so broken and plain messed up.
After living with the relief of my diagnosis for a week, I realized that my silence continues to add to the stigma of: pastors as 'other' and breast cancer as something we talk about in hushed voices, because you can't really say the word 'breast' out loud in polite company.
breast
brest/
noun
- 1.either of the two soft, protruding organs on the upper front of a woman's body that secrete milk after pregnancy.
My right breast now has a little piece of titanium in it, as a marker for the radiologist. Next fall, when I have my mammogram I will see it on the screen.
Get your mammograms, gals. Know your family history. And if you get called in for more pictures, don't go on-line and try to look up the what ifs...but DO tell a friend. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is invite others for the journey. I am grateful for my children for being a non-anxious presence during this season.
It is fitting that this journey happened during Advent, a season of anxious anticipation. I continue to wait with hope.
peace, love in Christ,
Deborah